Do you ever get that feeling someone is watching you while you're failing?? But then the feeling never seems to show back up again when you're doing fantastic for yourself??
Why is it the world sees people get bigger and better, but no one notices when the little people fall??
I feel like I'm at the bottom of a hole, looking up at the world while it's laughing at me. I know my potential, but can't seem to get it together enough to do something with my life. I have been saying for years that I don't need anyone or anything and I can do it on my own. Well, so far, I'm still alive. Which is a feat in itself, but not nearly what I'm capable of, or happy with. I'm bored with my little world. I am so done with all the nonsense going on around me. What kind of a person does it take to be ready for help?? It's not admitting that I need it. Or begging for it. It's that I'm finally ready for it. Is it a weak person finally breaking?? Or is it a strong one knowing they are ready for it?? How do you know??
Have you ever noticed that when you are in a rut, or down in the dumps, there's no one to save you??
All of the 'good' friends and family in the world say they're there for you whenever you need. But when you need, or ask, no one helps. Do you think it's because they're scared?? It's hard to see someone you love in a tough situation. It's not something you want to get into yourself. No one wants to get dragged down with the other. So instead, we turn our cheek and pretend we don't notice. It's so much easier, and everyone's looking for the easy way out.
I enjoy, more than anything, my non-routine life. I like living the way no one else wants to. I couldn't be in a dead-end job day in and day out with nothing exciting on the side. It's what keeps me...me. My favorite book is called How to Make Love Like a Porn Star. It's by Jenna Jameson. People hear the title and the name and assume it's what it sounds like. When, in all reality, it's about her life and how she became the person she is today. Which, might I add, is actually nothing like you'd think...she's very intelligent and hard working to have gotten to where she is. The book makes me think of my life, and how it's not like the rest of the worlds'. If I would've grown up the way I started out, I would be so boring and sheltered. I would have never gotten the chance to be an individual. I sit and contemplate how big of a hole I'm in. But at least it has character.
How many people can look back on their life and say they did things not many have done?? How many can say they did something exciting, and spent their youth making and blowing money like it was a never ending ATM?? How many can say they've been at the bottom, with literally nothing, and worked their way back up with no one's help...more than once??
Not a whole lot, I'd say.
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